Frank's Pretty Woman
"Frank's Pretty Woman" is the first episode of the seventh season of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia. Frank wants to marry a prostitute and the gang can't talk him out of it. While Dee sets out to burnish the hooker's heart of gold, Charlie takes a different tack: He tries to set Frank up with another woman. Meanwhile, Mac has put on a lot of weight. "I'm cultivating mass," he tells Dennis. Recap 11:30 AM on a Monday Dee and Charlie call animal control attemping to purchase a junkyard dog to protect Paddy's. As they explain to Dennis that junkyard dog bites make good stories, animal control hangs up on them. Mac enters with a trashbag full of chimichangas and the rest of the gang comments on how fat he is. Frank enters with a crass prostitute named Roxy and tells the gang he is in love with her and intends on marrying her. Dee, Dennis, and Mac are concerned about Frank's decision so they try to help Roxy clean up her act. She collapses drunk on the floor, then smokes crack. Dee agrees to try to help her girl-to-girl while Dennis helps Mac with his weight. At Charlie's apartment, Charlie and Frank boil denim they found under a bridge. Charlie tells Frank he has arranged an online date as an attempt to find someone nicer for Frank. At a high-end fashion store, Roxy and Dee peruse clothes. Roxy pours vodka on a $500 jacket and when the manager asks if she can pay for it so pulls out a gigantic wad of cash. Dee is impressed. At a doctor's office, Mac and Dennis debate "mass" verses "fat". The doctor tells Dennis that he has been malnourishing himself to keep young and lean and he informs Mac that he has Type 2 diabetes. On the date, Charlie poses as a wealthy man from the South while Frank poses as his limo driver. They pick up Charlie's date and pretends to get ill and tries to convince her that she should continue the date with Frank. However, Charlie swallowed handfuls of fake blood capsules for effect and ends up vomiting all over her multiple times. At Dee's apartment, Roxy's client "Tiger Woods" shows up - the same actor who impersonated Donovan McNabb in "The Gang Gets Invincible". Dee agrees to get paid $500 for letting him massage her feet and decides to become a "foot girl". At Paddy's, Mac and Dennis eat chimichangas while Mac gives himself shots of insulin. Dennis decides he has been holding himself back and that he wants to live with no reservations and decides to ask Roxy for something he has been craving for a long time -- crack. Having all failed their missions, the gang all meets back at Charlie's apartment to hold a wedding for Roxy and Frank. While Frank proposes, Roxy collapses to the floor. Frank checks her vitals and finds she has died. Dee admits she has been smoking crack all day, so no one is surprised. They move her body to the hallway and decide to call in an anonymous tip from a payphone. Recurring Roles * Geoffrey Owens as himself impersonating Tiger Woods. Guest Stars * Alanna Ubach as Roxy * John Walcutt as Doctor * Cort Hightower as Jerry * Erin Matthews as Abey * James Stellos as Manager Trivia * Alternate title of this episode - "Frank's New Whore Wife". * "Hey Good Looking" by Frank Williams plays while Charlie and Frank are in the limo. * "Oh, Pretty Woman" by Roy Orbison plays during the credits. * The junkyard cat that Charlie mentioned was Agent Jack Bauer from . * GIF: Charlie barfing blood Quotes :Roxy: What are you cocks looking at? :Dennis: We just want to help you make some changes in your life. Get you some new clothes. Perhaps teach you some manners. :Roxy: Shut up, baby dick. :Dennis: Well, I'm out of here. :Mac: But I'm healthy besides the diabitis. :Doctor: Um, no. :Mac: But I'm more healthier than he is, is the point I think you're trying to make, even with the diabitis. :Dennis: Dude, stop saying "diabitis"! You sound like an ass... :Roxy: I'm shit faced. :Dee: Well you downed that bottle of schnapps like it was a soda. :Roxy: Oh, this jacket is nice! And it's tighter than dick skin. :Roxy: How do you like me now, gay boy? :Dee: Now, don't call him gay. It'd be one thing if he wasn't, but he clearly is. :Dee: You're blowing my mind. You life is way more glamorous than I thought it was. :Roxy: Yeah, yeah. Now help me dig these crack rocks out of my ass. :Dee: That's what I was picturing. Category:It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia Episodes Category:Season 7 Episodes